The Flip of a Coin

When I first started painting, I wanted to do it all and do it perfectly. I remember in school I always had my hand raised because 1- I thought I knew all the answers, and 2- I had a million questions. I was an eager person who wanted to please my parents and get good grades. I did a lot of reading but when it came to doing the tests I struggled. So, when it came to learning art, guess what? I approached it the same way. I did a bit of sketching and drawing but got lost watching art videos on YouTube instead of doing art.

So, I bought a bunch of supplies and signed up for a year-long course. I could follow the lessons exactly but could not come up with my own ideas. When the words “paint intuitively” came up I scowled at myself and thought that will never be me!

I painted portraits because I could realistically sketch a face. I was a perfectionist, and I thought a painting had to look just like a photograph and it suited me perfectly. A couple of things were going on at the same time. My need to learn and be perfect but unbeknownst to me, a need to be free of these chains, these unwritten rules I had lived with my whole life.

Then something happened. After 2 years, I got sick of painting perfect faces! I longed to create something of my own, but I didn’t know how to do this. So, I took another course focused on art journaling, and it was in my 2nd year when I started to see small changes. Little by little, I discovered I was picking favorite colors and mark making tools without thinking much about it.

For me, the first flip of the coin was from learning to improvising. If I didn’t have something (color, tool, technique) I would find a way to do it with the art supplies I already had because the teaching artists said to use what you already have on hand. Art journaling is meant for improvisation!

The next flip of the coin was from improvising to intuitive painting. This is where I am now, and things are starting to get fun! My art is getting looser, I now have a ‘soul’ color palette, marks that are inherently my own, and an outdoorsy theme that keeps coming up in my art. After 5 years I have moved from realism to abstract painting and in turn freeing myself of most of my perfectionism. I’ve experimented enough to know what I like and don’t like. Is it perfect? This is the best part. Sometimes I don’t’ care, sometimes done is better than good, and sometimes I just walk away and move onto the next piece. My inner critic is much tamer, so I’m not that hard on myself. There are parts of the process that are relaxed and loose and other parts where I have more control. I will work loosely, and then I will refine with perfect details which seems to be a good balance.

I love listening to artist podcasts. Their stories of how abstract painting came into their life is so intriguing to me. A common thread of some artists is that longing to loosen up followed by a feeling of freedom and clarity. It’s not easy to put into words this transformation.

I’m curious to know if you’ve experienced this transformation.

Do you think improvising is a natural talent or a learned skill, or both?